Are you staying fat to protect yourself from the ups and downs of life? Hiding behind excess weight is more common than you think.

You already know that if you want to drop weight you have to eat less and exercise more; this is a no brainer, yet Australia is the second fattest nation behind the United States. So what’s stopping you? It could be your subconscious.

The Pay-Off

Whenever you are not doing something that you know you need be doing (for example, exercising 3 times per week), or whenever you are doing something that you know will cause you to gain weight instead of losing weight, there is usually a very good reason.

For many people, that reason is protection. For example: protection from having to find a partner and risk getting hurt, protection from the sexual advances of the opposite sex or simply protection from having to change.

These are just a few reasons why people sabotage themselves and resist doing the very things they know will help them to lose weight and keep it off. What exactly is it that we need protection from?

This Podcast Explains Everything

(music byLongzijun)

Anabel's Story

My client Anabel was an intelligent, successful, professional woman who struggled with yo-yo dieting. She was sexually abused by her uncle from the age of 7 until she became a teenager. At the time she was too scared to say anything, but when she finally did pluck up the courage to tell her parents when she was 15, nobody believed her.

“I used to be a really skinny kid. I started packing on weight when I was 14 and this got worse after I tried to tell my parents and they pretended nothing was going on. In hindsight I can see why I gained the weight, but back then I had no idea why I was ravenously hungry all the time.”

Anabel was dealing with so much; not only the abuse, but also the betrayal from the people she loved the most. A young Anabel subconsciously decided that if the people who were supposed to protect her couldn’t (or wouldn’t), she’d better make damn sure to do it herself.

How To Stop Hiding

If you were a victim of sexual abuse at any stage in your life, consider how this may be affecting your weight. Perhaps there is a part of you that believes if you lose weight, you will risk being violated again.

If you have had bad experiences with romantic relationships in the past, there may be a part of you that is protecting you from being hurt again. If you make yourself invisible to the opposite sex by being overweight, then you will never have to take that risk.

Looking at these two examples, on one level, it makes perfect sense doesn't it? Except that there are so many more powerful and positive ways to protect yourself than with your weight. If you think you might be staying overweight to protect yourself, you can change this negative behaviour pattern. The first step is to discover the reasons why you are sabotaging yourself.

As you bring these subconscious pay-offs into conscious awareness, you can then consciously choose to let them go with the help of self-hypnosis. I have seen my clients move through their own personal obstacles and take control of their weight. You can do it too.

Life can be very dull, and if you're looking for happiness in all the wrong places it can be downright painful.

You may find yourself comparing your own life to those of other people and coming to the conclusion that somehow yours is not glamorous or exciting enough.

This is understandable, because nobody really shows you what their life is like; they show you what they want you to see. In this competitive world it’s hard not to fall into the trap of assuming that in order to be happy you must live an exceptional life.

Many of my over-achieving (and burnt out) clients come wielding the catch-phrase ‘mediocrity is not an option’; yet they are misguided about happiness and its causes.

The fact is life is dull, mundane and ordinary most of the time for everybody (not just you!) So the next time you get caught up in telling yourself what you ‘should’ be doing, remember these important snippets of advice:

ONE: Don’t Believe Everything You Read

Think everyone else is having a wow of a time while you’re slobbing around in your trackies? Think again. What you see on Facebook is a highly edited, glossed-up version of a life that does not really exist.

Happiness posturing is rampant on social media, with people posting what they had for lunch (as if any of the rest of us actually care) and waiting around for validation in the form of ‘likes’.

Do you really think you’re missing out on some amazing secret to life that everybody else seems to be clued into? You're not. You’re just seeing what other people what you to see; a mental construct; an image.

Whenever my husband and I invite people over he spends about 2 hours madly cleaning the house beforehand. Amid frantic spray-and-wipes, he pants: ‘We can’t let people see how we REALLY live!’

Sound familiar? You may be surprised at just how imperfect the lives of your friends and family really are. Life is messy and most of us muddle along spilling food down our tops and tripping over items that have been left on the floor, but we’re all doing the best we can.

TWO: Learn to Say No

Another reason why people tend to ‘should’ themselves is in relation to their obligations to other people. Do you find it hard to say no when you’re asked to do a favour?

We all like to help out and it’s great to be a compassionate person. But sometimes you have to give to yourself and that means stepping back from your perceived duties and obligations, and from the image of yourself that you want to project to others.

If you’re a bit of a perfectionist this will be a challenge for you – but definitely one that is worth pursuing. Once you start setting boundaries you’ll realize that the sky doesn’t fall in if you say no sometimes. You don’t have to be ‘everybody’s everything.’

Listen To This Podcast:

(music byLongzijun)

THREE: It’s Okay to Be You

My client Jenny came to see me because she felt unmotivated in life. She was in a fortunate position to be retired as she and her husband had enough savings to not need to work.

In her first session Jenny began to describe the ‘fantastic’ lifestyles all her friends were enjoying. One was training for a triathlon; another was attending weekly art classes and was about to exhibit some of her works in a local show.

‘Why aren’t I doing these kinds of things?’ she said. I asked her: ‘do you WANT to do these things?’ Further exploration revealed that contrary to what she had originally thought, Jenny was, in fact, very satisfied with her ordinary life; she loved pottering around the house, reading novels and just living a peaceful existence with her husband and family.

Yet she believed this was somehow wrong; that she needed to be doing more, because that’s what other people around her were doing. You’re always going to have an idea about what you want to achieve in the future and who you want to become. That’s doesn’t mean who you are right now is not acceptable.

Stop comparing yourself to other people and appreciate yourself for who you are right now. Take notice of the little things in your life, like a steaming cup of coffee in the morning or sitting with your family in the sun on a lovely day.

It’s these little things, not the so-called big-ticket items that make your life special. So you can give yourself permission to stop looking for happiness in all the wrong places and live an ordinary life in a relaxed and peaceful way.

Everybody who is trying to lose weight wants to know how to stop food cravings, but they're going about it the wrong way.

Trying to get rid of them is the same thing as trying to deny they exist, which only gives them even more power over you.

But cravings don’t have to rule your life; and they do eventually always pass. Being happy and healthy means learning to live with cravings without becoming overwhelmed by them. Here's how:

ONE: Go For a Walk

Not only is physical exercise a great distraction, I often find that while I might be really hungry before my workout, during and immediately after the workout my hunger has gone away.

Eventually it returns; but the point is, you can do something about unwanted cravings just by moving your body. It’s all about giving that moment time to pass. Nothing is permanent and food cravings are no exception.

So whereas in the past you may have seen cravings as a weakness, you can instead begin to accept them as part of life. When you do this you will be able to let them come and go without needing to control or manipulate them in any way.

TWO: Satisfy your Sweet Spot

Instead of reaching for a chocolate bar, try a healthier alternative instead: For example, you could chop up a banana and add a small drizzle of maple syrup and a sprinkling of crushed pecans (say 4 to 5 pecans).

Measure the maple syrup and the pecans carefully and you will have a healthy treat with about 200 calories that satisfies a sweet craving without packing on the kilos.

THREE: Recognise your Bad Habits

Often we’re not aware of what we’re eating or even why we’re eating it. For instance, why all of a sudden do we crave popcorn when we go the movies even though we have just eaten a big meal?

The answer is: Because that’s just what we’ve always done. Many people become stuck in bad habits that cause them to do things without even questioning why they are doing them.

But just because you have always done something in the past, it doesn’t automatically follow that you should keep doing it. Take a habits inventory. Ask yourself the question: ‘do I really need this habit? If the answer is no, let it go. Make room for new, more positive habits instead.

Listen To This Podcast:

(music byLongzijun)

FOUR: Know Your Vulnerable Times

Write down what you are regularly craving and be honest with yourself about which foods are bad for you and which cravings have gotten out of control.

Identify when you're most likely to lose control and take action. For example, many people fall prey to ‘3.30-itis’, when their energy is low and they feel the need for something sweet or fatty. You’ll know what your time is.

During these vulnerable times when you're likely to turn to food for comfort, make a conscious decision to either eat a healthy snack or distract yourself. Go for a walk, play a game with your pets, or pick up a good book. Do whatever it takes!

FIVE: Drink Water

Aside from the fact that water is good for you, most people don’t drink enough of it; or they drink well after they are dehydrated (which is too late). The key is to sip water throughout the day to avoid dehydration.

Sometimes the cravings we have are due to dehydration; so where we may think a sugar fix will get us going, we may just need a glass of water instead.

So in summary, there is actually no way to stop food cravings; they are a physiological phenomenon which may be improved by diet changes, but at the end of the day everybody gets them.

Instead of being afraid of cravings, treat them like temporary visitors. They always go away, and it's just a matter of waiting them out.

Do detox diets actually work? The quick fix mentality has always been a seductive option for would-be dieters. After all who doesn’t want to lose as much weight as quickly as possible?

The idea behind the ‘detox diet’ is to help you get rid of toxins in your body. Doing this is supposed to help you lose weight and increase your general wellbeing. A ‘detox diet’ can include any or all of the following activities:

• Fasting;
• Consuming only fresh fruit/vegetable juices for a number of days;
• Taking certain herbal supplements that allegedly help the body get rid of toxins faster;
• Avoiding caffeine, alcohol, sugar and junk food
• Saunas;
• Colon- cleansing;

Your Body Knows What To Do

It’s pretty obvious that if you want to live any kind of normal life in today’s society, you can’t avoid exposure to heavy metals, industrial materials, pesticides and other yucky things.

Add to that our poor diet and lifestyle, overuse of alcohol and other drugs, and I’d say most of us are pretty toxed up.

However, I do think the whole idea of the ‘detox’ has been a little hyped up. Your body knows what it likes and what is doesn’t, and your internal organs are designed to kick out the bad guys.....they do a pretty good job most of the time.

On the other hand, if you’re feeling a little run down and in need of a kick start, a detox can give you a psychological advantage if you are trying to lose weight and don’t know where to start. Just don’t let it backfire on you!

My client Jemima was addicted to detox regimes. She came to me desperate to find another way to curb her bad eating habits after having spent a bomb on countless so-called miracle weight loss regimes. Ultimately she needed to get her head around the fact that while a detox may help you get started, the real work begins when you have to start eating normally again.

We worked extensively together to remove the ‘all-or-nothing’ mentality that kept her going around in circles. Jemima learnt that the middle way approach was most effective and stopped looking for the easy way out.

This Podcasts Explains The Pros And Cons:

(music courtesy of Longzijun)

Ker-Ching!!

So what about the cost? There are many detox regimes on sale out there, and most of them are quite expensive. Sure if you have the money, go ahead and invest in one or all of them; but the idea of detox doesn’t have to include all the bells and whistles. You could do any number of things yourself to detox, such as:

• Cut out alcohol, refined sugars and caffeine;
• Replace one or more meals a day with fresh fruit/vegetable juice;
• Drink plenty of water;
• Cut out wheat and dairy products

These are just a few of the steps you can take on your own without spending too much money, to detoxify your life. A word of warning about colon and intestinal cleansing programs: many of these companies will instruct you to take their expensive herbs and supplements for months at a time, claiming that they are not habit forming.

Don’t believe this. Many of these formulas contain powerful cathartic herbs such as Cascara Sagrada. This herb (and many others like it) IS a laxative and can be habit-forming. So my advice is; do your research and don’t believe everything you read.

Just because the label says ‘herbal’ or ‘all natural’, doesn’t mean you should expect to take it on a regular basis without side effects. If you take certain herbs and supplements for too long, you may upset your body’s natural intestinal flora, which produces uncomfortable side effects such as thrush (Candida).

So are detox diets effective? If you are not interested in altering your lifestyle to include a healthy, balanced diet that consists mostly of fresh, unprocessed foods, then going on a detox diet for a short period is not going to make you any healthier.

Likewise, if you suffer through 10 days of the ‘Lemon Detox’ and then resume your 4 donuts per day diet you will never achieve permanent weight loss. Ultimately, the best solution is to eat a balanced diet and listen to your body.This is the only way to achieve permanent and sustainable weight loss.

Have you ever wondered what actually happens to the brain during self-hypnosis? Every now and then I get a client who just can’t get their head around the fact that during their hypnosis session they’re able to hear, remember and comprehend most or all of what I say.

There are so many myths about hypnosis going around that even when I explain in detail what will happen to first-timers, they’re often gob-smacked at just how ordinary it feels., and subsequently a little sceptical of its efficacy.

Make no mistake – hypnotherapy is anything but ordinary and can allow you to create powerful changes in your life if you find the right therapist.

Yet the process of hypnosis, which is really actually self-hypnosis, is deceptively simple. So for all you techies out there here is an in-depth explanation of exactly what is going on in your brain when you relax with me in my chair, or if you listen to one of my hypnosis downloads on your own.

Beta

Your state of awareness can be physically measured by an electroencephalograph using frequency (Hz). Beta is measured at 14-50 Hz and can be described as waking consciousness.

You are alert, wide awake and when we communicate you can hear, comprehend and understand everything I am saying.

During this time your conscious critical mind is activated and you respond to existing beliefs in your subconscious, acting upon those beliefs on a day to day basis.

Alpha

When you begin to listen to my voice during your session, you relax and your brainwave frequency drops. The reticular activating system in your brain starts to shut down and your conscious mind takes a little haiaitus. Eventually, you drop down to Apha, which is measured at 7.5-14Hz.

During this time, you can hear and understand me. You are able to follow along with any guided visualisation I offer, using your imagination vividly. Your mind is very receptive to the suggestions I give you during this time.

Theta

When you start to relax even more your brainwave frequency may drop further, down to Theta, which is measured at 4-7.5Hz. During this time your mind may wander off and you might even miss parts of what I say.

This is perfectly normal and it means that your subconscious mind is listening to and acting upon my suggestions.

My client Sandra who came to see me for weight loss, was terribly worried because whenever she listened to my weight loss recording at home, she couldn't concentrate on the words of the recording.

"My mind just keeps wandering off! It's so frustrating because I want to pay attention." Yet when I quizzed her on how her behaviour had changed she beamed at me: "I'm so proud of myself! For the first time in my life I'm not finishing everything on my plate!"

You see, what was happening to Sandra was completely normal; she was describing the state of theta and, despite the fact that she wasn't consciously listening to my words, her subconscious was clearly acting upon them. Sandra went on to lose 12 kilos.

This Podcasts Explains The Stages Of Hypnosis:

(music courtesy of Longzijun)

Delta

Delta is the deepest state of hypnosis and comes in at 0.5-4Hz. Delta is a deeply restorative state and during that time you are not aware of what your hypnotherapist is saying, but the suggestions are being accepted by your subconscious mind.

You should note that it’s rare for you to only enter one state during your hypnosis session. More likely you will begin by oscillating from alpha to theta, and sometimes when you become more accustomed to my voice you may drop down to Delta.

Many of my clients report that when they listen to my hypnosis MP3s, they think they have fallen asleep – yet when the music stops they open their eyes. This is an example of being in Delta.

This is a summary of what happens to the brain when you're in a trance. Each of the three states I mentioned is equally effective. So if after your first session of hypnosis you’re worried that it didn’t work, take comfort in the fact that you only have to be in a very light state (Alpha) in order for the therapy to be effective.

If you want to learn how to actively be grateful for what you have and make that a habit, join the club. Everybody on the planet wants to be happy. The problem is that most of us go about it the wrong way.

We chase after money, status, fame and material things, only to find that when it all comes out in the wash nothing of this world causes lasting happiness.

You’ve probably also heard that true happiness is inside you. “Blah blah”, right? If you’ve struggled to stay positive all your life, this information may even make you feel a little angry.

This is because despite what the self-help books tell us, it’s really hard to stay positive. Our brains are genetically wired to focus on what is wrong, so it takes some time and effort to turn that around.

Happiness studies have shown that practising gratitude on a daily basis is one of the best ways to reprogram your mind to be happier. Research has also shown that positive emotions create many benefits for us. They energise us, they strengthen our immune system and they counteract depression and anxiety.

When you’re feeling positive you’re more able to recover from stressful experiences. You’re much more inclined to connect with others when your mood is lifted, and you’re much more likely to have positive interactions with other people when you’re feeling good as opposed to when you’re feeling grumpy.

There are a million articles out there that show you how to be grateful. I’m not going to focus on the ‘how to’ in this article. Instead I’m going to point out the two biggest blocks to being grateful and happy.

Attachment to Being Self-Reliant

Many of us think we have it all together. Some people even cling to self-reliance like a badge of honour. Self-reliance isn’t necessarily a bad thing; after all, nobody wants to come across as needy.

Yet there are times when it is appropriate for you to lean on others and accept their help and vice versa. Think about how good it feels to be able to help someone in need. Perhaps you’ve lent a sympathetic ear to a friend who was going through some inner turmoil.

Or maybe you donated some food to a person in need. Generosity and gratitude go hand in hand, so when you are generous with your time, money or possessions you will inevitably experience more happiness, contentment and joy in your life.

Imagine now, if each time you tried to help another person they refused your help? When you insist on being totally self-reliant to such a degree that you don’t allow others to give to you, you are denying other people the opportunity to practise generosity, and in turn to experience happiness. In the process you are also blocking your own ability to feel grateful.

So the next time you feel tempted to just go it alone, remember; the cycle of giving are receiving is a two way street. It makes us happy to give to others.

(The music in this clip is by Longzijun)

A Sense Of Entitlement

Have you ever gotten used to a particular circumstance or lifestyle and then suddenly had it ripped away from you? Sure you have. This is the nature of life; everything changes and anything can happen at any time.

Yet when we lose what we hold dear, we often feel angry, as if because we had it before we have the right to have it forever.

The same deal goes when we’re trying to be grateful. You may feel annoyed or upset that you haven’t achieved a specific goal in life, such that you’re unable to see what you have to be grateful for right now.

Think of all the things we take for granted; our health, our loved ones, our pets. We gloss over the many blessings we have right now as though these things were just a given. But they’re not. Nothing is, and if you forget what’s right under your nose then being grateful (and in turn experiencing more joy and happiness) will be nearly impossible.

Here’s how to be grateful for what you have: make a commitment each day to focus on just three things to be grateful for. I guarantee that once your mind starts flowing, you will be able to think of three new things each day. As you do this, you will slowly but surely reprogram your mind for happiness.

You can learn how to be less emotionally guarded with others no matter what your age and no matter where you are in your life.

Take your mind back to a time when you were very young; before anybody got into your ear and started telling you how you should behave.

Odds are you were happy, carefree and totally free of inhibitions. Young children are spontaneous, open-hearted and brave; it never occurs to them that others won’t be absolutely enthralled with what they have to offer.

Pretty soon, though, our society slaps down our carefree disposition by teaching us how we ‘should' really behave. For example:

• Keep your cards close to your chest;
• Don’t be ‘loud’;
• Modify your behaviour so others will like you;
• Maintain an air of ‘mystery’

As we grow up, we learn that revealing too much about ourselves can get us hurt; on many occasions it invites judgment. We don’t want to appear weak or needy, so we pretend we have it all together; we shut down. Being vulnerable is seen as scary or undesirable.

Yet ultimately we are human beings and we thrive on connection and interaction with others. In order to do this, we have to be real; with ourselves and with others.

So this is the dichotomy; there’s a fine line between protecting yourself and shutting your heart down.

As such, you may find yourself wanting to connect with other people and yet in the same breath behaving in ways that discourage connection, all because you’re terrified of being rejected. This is a recipe for a very lonely life.

ONE: Get To Know Your Baggage

Do you recall what happened in the past to make you close yourself off from others? Maybe you were ridiculed as a child or had a bad experience with a certain teacher at school. My client Annie found it very hard to make new friends in her adult life as a result of an experience in her childhood.

“When I started school, I had a lovely teacher who was very kind to me. But what I didn’t realize was that despite her good intentions, her attempts at making me feel accepted actually made things worse for me.

She used to say: ‘you’re such a good, shy girl….'’’ As Annie and I talked more, we discovered that through associating being shy with gaining praise, she had subconsciously held onto this shyness well into her adult years; this made it almost impossible for her to connect with others and form meaningful relationships.

Yet once we named the problem, she almost immediately let that old label go. By working through her past baggage, Annie was able to reinvent herself. She began being open and friendly to those around her and was delighted at the number of people who wanted to get to know her. Slowly but surely Annie was able to cultivate strong friendships and caring relationships.

Just like Annie, you can take some time to learn more about yourself and discover why you’re guarded. When you do this you can consciously choose to let go of the old programming that isn’t working for your any more.

(The music in this clip is by Longzijun)

TWO: Pay Attention To The Moments When You Are Shutting Down

The best way to solve a problem is to become aware of when the habitual mind patterns are arising; only then can you take steps to break the habit.

When you’re shutting down, what is happening around you? What are the feelings? Is there fear? Is there anger? Where is the felt sense in the body?

Your habitual guardedness is just another way for you to numb out from your unpleasant emotions, rather than letting them be there and creating space for them.

You won’t always catch yourself and your awareness may not (initially) stop you from shutting down or closing off from other people. But as you learn to connect with those feelings rather than trying to push them away, you will eventually learn better ways to manage your emotions.

THREE: It’s Okay

At the end of the day, the best position to be is caring…but not caring at the same time. The fact of the matter is you’re just not going to get along with everybody you meet. There will be some people with whom you connect instantly and others who leave you cold. It’s okay!

Approach other people with an open heart, but let it be okay if they don’t like you. As long as you’re being true to yourself, you will find far more people who do like you and who do want to spend time with you than who don’t.

Living in this world means being brave and opening yourself up to the possibility of hurt and rejection. You can learn how to be less emotionally guarded by taking a risk; this can be scary but it is the only way to live an engaged life. ]]> Sun, 08 May 2016 11:00:00 +0000 https://hypnosismp3downloads.com.au/blog/how-to-leave-toxic-relationship/ Are You Addicted To Drama?

I’ve worked with many clients who are trying to extract themselves from toxic relationships. Some come to see me with one foot in the door and the other out the door.

It is possible to leave a relationship that isn’t working for you, even if you’ve been together for a long time; but you have to want to do it. No amount of hypnosis will help you if you’re not ready to let go.

If you continue to stay in a relationship that causes you pain, there may be a part of you that is addicted to the drama that comes from being with an emotionally abusive or untrustworthy partner.

This is probably due to deep subconscious conditioning, where your beliefs about healthy relationships have been shaped by your own childhood. So what you ‘think’ is a good relationship may be anything but.

For More Information, Listen To This Podcast:

(Longzijun music creation)

Don’t Confuse Drama with Love

Isabel had been on again off again with her partner for 8 years. He put her down constantly, had cheated on her several times and had no intention of committing to marriage or children, two things that Isabel wanted very much.

They had broken up and reconciled a total of 16 times (that’s twice a year) and, despite declaring their undying ‘love’ for each other, continued to go around in circles with him behaving badly and her kicking him out and then inevitably taking him back.

I asked Isabel what kept her in this relationship. She replied: ‘The sex is explosive! Plus I know deep down he really does love me’. I asked her how she could tell he loved her, and she responded: ‘Because he tells me every day!’

Firstly, good sex does not equal true love. Secondly, some people use the word ‘love’ as a tool for manipulation. If someone tells you they ‘love’ you, it doesn’t necessarily mean this is true. What do their actions tell you? Do you feel safe, cared for and supported? Or do you feel vulnerable, insecure and mistreated?

Real Relationships Aren’t Like the Movies

Have you ever been swept up in one of those movies where two people fall in love at first sight, can’t get enough of each other and have great sex for the rest of their lives?

Yeah;me too. It isn’t real. What the movies show you is so far away from real love that you might be forgiven for falling into the wrong relationship one too many times. Real relationships take hard work and sometimes the dangerous, sexy person isn’t necessarily the one you want to settle down with.

The Dalai Lama says the number one quality you should look for in a partner is kindness. You deserve to feel loved, cared for and respected. If your relationship is not giving you what you need, it may be time to get your head out of the sand.

Time to Ask the Hard Questions

If you’re addicted to the drama of a bad relationship it’s time to do some serious introspection. Ask yourself:

• What am I getting out of this relationship?
• How do I feel most of the time when I am with this person?
• What is the cost of staying in this relationship?
• Do I really believe I deserve to be loved and cared for?

You may be staying in a bad relationship because of your limiting beliefs; for example, maybe you think this is as good as it gets for you or that you’re not really worthy of a normal relationship.

Whatever the case, you can let go of the old conditioning that keeps you confusing drama with love. Only then will you be ready for a real, committed, adult relationship.

There are certain things that unhappy people have in common. If you think your life isn’t working because of your circumstances, you may be right; but more often than not it isn’t what happens to us that makes us unhappy. Rather, it’s in the way we react to life.

Like it or not there is suffering in life because nothing can be relied upon except impermanence. We’re all dealt a different hand and some people do seem to have it easier than others; life isn’t necessarily fair.

Still, there are certain things that unhappy people do habitually that make them more prone to the inevitable hurts and disappointments in life.

If you’re not happy or if you find it hard to stay positive you can work with your mind to change your habitual behaviour patterns. Below I will discuss a few destructive habits of mind that are guaranteed to put you in the doldrums and keep you there.

ONE: Being a Perfectionist

Expecting yourself or your circumstances to be perfect is just about the best way I know to ruin your life. I’m sure you know that on a conscious level.

So what drives your perfectionism, and ultimately, your misery? Deep subconscious conditioning is likely the culprit, but you can move away from perfectionism if you’re willing to change.

It starts with accepting that your best is always (not sometimes) good enough. After all, what choice do you really have? If you don’t start accepting yourself the way you are, you’ll end up procrastinating or never finishing what you start because you’re so afraid of failure.

The idealism of being perfect is not real, even though it feels very real. The images and concepts projected to you every day by the media and society would have you think otherwise, but you don’t have to pay attention to them.

TWO: Believing The Inner Critic

You know who I’m talking about; that guy in your head that is always on your back about something or other. If you listen to him you’ll erode your confidence and make yourself very unhappy.

It’s perfectly fine to want to improve yourself, but the inner critic does the opposite; he will destroy you if you let him. The good news is you don’t have to be afraid of him and you're not abnormal; everybody has an inner critic.

Unhappy people listen to the inner critic way too much and they pay close attention the story it is telling them as if it were fact. But it isn’t fact, it is fiction. As such you can choose how much energy you choose to give the inner critic.

It starts with baby steps; first just make a commitment to notice when the critic is talking to you. Many people are so used to the voice they almost forget it is there.

Each time you see this part of you and notice it is there you are literally waking up from a negative trance. The more you practise the better you will become at smoking out your inner critic until eventually it won’t influence you so much any more.

THREE: Avoiding The Present Moment

Unhappy people spend most of their time either getting angry about something that happened in the past or panicking about what might happen in the future.

Hard as it is to avoid doing this, you can train your mind through meditation to stay in the present moment. Meditation helps you balance your mind and stop proliferating on the negative thoughts or believing the stories that go with them.

The more you can become aware of your negative thinking without attaching to it, the happier you will become. By practising mindfulness you are training yourself to stop getting caught up in your own mental stories.

This Podcast Will Explain This In Detail:

(This music is by Longzijun)

FOUR: Playing The Comparison Game

It’s human nature to compare; we actually need this ability for our survival. This is why it’s so hard to avoid comparing your life, your looks, your intelligence and your achievements with those of other people.

Yet when you do this you will almost certainly suffer. You may think that comparing another person’s situation unfavourably to yours will make you feel better; and it will in the short term.

But sooner or later you’re going to have to pay the piper. That is, you will inevitably come across someone who is better off than you; and that’s where the suffering begins. A better solution is to catch your mind when it gets caught up in comparing and stop it. Each time you catch yourself, simply break the cycle by saying the word: ‘comparing’.

This brings you back into the present moment and stops the mental proliferation of suffering that feeds off itself each time you get caught up in this behaviour.

The things that most unhappy people have in common are also things that are within your control because they have nothing to do with outside circumstances.

Whatever hand you’ve been dealt in life I promise you can become a happier person by working with your mind and avoiding the mental activities that perpetuate suffering.

It's almost impossible to know how to forgive someone when you don't want to; the resentment often serves as a reminder that makes us armour our hearts and shut down from the human race.

They say that holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die; yet many of us hold onto hurts, resentments and betrayals for dear life as if letting them go will somehow mean the person who wronged us gets away with their actions scot-free.

If you’ve ever been hurt or betrayed by another person you’ll know how seductive the thought of getting revenge is. When someone hurts us, the knee-jerk reaction is to hurt them back.

This is unskilful for a number of reasons; firstly, responding to anger with anger is like pouring oil on water; it perpetuates the energy of anger and pollutes your mind.

Secondly, it stops you from moving on from this experience in a way that is constructive and helpful. You may be holding onto your resentments for all the wrong reasons; but you can choose freedom at any time.

Forgive Others For Yourself

When you forgive another person for their wrongdoings you aren’t doing it for them; you are doing it for yourself. Anger, bitterness and resentment, while appropriate and unavoidable in this kind of situation, rarely do anything but cause unhappiness and illness in the long-term.

You may be worried that if you forgive your enemy, they will win; yet when you hold onto the anger (and hurt yourself in the process) they are already winning.

On the other hand you may believe that holding onto your pain will make sure it never happens to you again. This is not true; you can keep the learning from this experience and let go of the negativity at the same time.

I’m not suggesting you go out and have a beer with the person who has betrayed you. You can choose to never see them again if that is your wish; but releasing yourself from the destructive feelings is just about the smartest thing you can do for your own happiness and health.

Hurt People Hurt People

When you’re seething with anger and resentment it can be easy to imagine that the person who caused your pain is off somewhere, laughing at you and having a wow of the time.

This kind of black and white thinking is never helpful and rarely a true indication of reality. What’s most likely happening is that this other person is probably really unhappy and doesn’t have the capacity to care of themselves let alone take care of you.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow put it beautifully when he said: “If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man's life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.”

Happy people don’t hurt other people. Your enemy is suffering much more than you may have imagined.

Listen To This Podcast To Learn More:

(Thanks to Longzijun for the introduction music)

We’re All Just Muddling Along

Maya Angelou’s quote “when we know better, we do better” certainly rings true for most people. If you are a human being living a normal human existence, there’s a very good chance you’re going to hurt another person, and probably more than once.

We’ve all done things we regret. We’ve all reacted in anger or irritation and said things we would have preferred not to. When I look back on the first 30 years of my life, I cringe at some of the things I did and said. I know better now because I see yesterday through today’s eyes. I forgave myself for my wrongs and you can do the same.

Being happy means letting go of the false belief that people should share the same values as we do. The fact is that there will always be people in the world who see things differently.

You don’t have to like those people or agree with their behaviour, but accepting that we’re all prone to human error makes forgiveness a little easier to practise.

Wouldn't it be great if you could learn how to make time when you have none?

Almost all of my clients describe themselves as ‘time poor.’ It’s really no wonder, since in our society your self-worth is often defined by how busy you are.

Yet being too busy isn’t clever or smart; it’s a health hazard. Poor time management is rarely about lack of time itself, but about the inability to say no.

If you’re a ‘busy-ness’ addict, my guess is that somewhere along the line you developed a set of beliefs around needing to please other people at the expense of your own health and happiness.

There’s nothing wrong with being a compassionate and giving person; but when your health and relationships suffer because of it, the only way to change that is to look deep within the subconscious mind. In the meantime here are some tips to help you get less busy:

ONE: Put Your Schedule on a Diet

Sounds really simple doesn’t it? Most of my clients laugh at me when I suggest this. Yet the fact that you’re too busy is an indication that something’s got to give.

My client Cathy couldn’t get anything done because she spent a lot of her time procrastinating. She came to me for some time management skills, but the moment I met her I knew that time itself was the least of her worries.

You see, procrastination is often your subconscious mind’s way of saying: ‘Enough already!’ Sure enough when I looked at Cathy’s schedule it was crammed full of things she felt she ‘should’ do but didn’t really want to do.

She had so many duties and obligations that she didn’t know whether she was coming or going. Cathy truly believed that every single appointment in her diary was of equal priority. Before she could see the light we needed to give her belief system a complete overhaul.

Cathy was brought up to believe you should always put other people first no matter what, and she was paying dearly for this belief.

If you’ve got too much on your plate ask yourself the question ‘What can I drop?’ If the answer is ‘I don’t know’, ask yourself that question over and over again until you find the answer. If you still can’t find the answer you need to learn how to say no and mean it (see next paragraph).

TWO: Learn to Say No and Mean It

We are deeply conditioned by society to measure our self-worth on how productive we are. Doing nothing is a taboo subject, with most people running rings around themselves just to avoid having a moment to spare.

You may wish you had a moment to spare on one hand; but what if, on another level, a part of you likes being indispensable? Many of us need to be needed in order to feel good about ourselves. If this is you, it’s time to give your old subconscious conditioning a bit of a shake-up.

You can be a valid, worthwhile and productive person who deserves to be happy and still say no sometimes. Watch what happens when you do it!

Your world will open up and you will see that the happier you are, the happier those around you are; so you may as well please yourself at least 50% of the time.

This Podcast Explains It Very Well:

(Intro music by Longzijun)

THREE: Work Out What is Really Important

If I were to ask you the question: ‘What is really important to you?’ , like most people, you’d probably say that health, great relationships and good family life were right up there.

Many people want these things yet behave in a way that indicates the opposite. For example:

• Working a 70 hour week in order to provide for your family yet never seeing them;
• Joining 3 committees to give back to the community yet being too tired to play with your kids;
• Agreeing to help a friend paint their house while ignoring what needs doing in your own home.

Do you think when your 5 year old grows up he’ll say: ‘Gee I really appreciate all the money my dad made so I could go to a private school’?

Often what we think will make us happy only ends up doing the opposite. If you’re missing out on life, you may be living for that one imaginary day 20 years in the future when everything is supposed to finally fall into place.

Yet you may not actually be alive if and when that day comes. Take the time to enjoy the little things in life and the big things will take care of themselves. That's how to make time when you think you have none.

They say that on average it takes 21 days to make habits stick. Self-hypnosis can help you get there much faster, but if you’re doing it on your own there are some pitfalls you need to be aware of.

When you make a decision to create or break a habit, you need to give yourself the best chance of success by examining your motivation, not biting off more than you can chew and understanding that setbacks aren’t a reason to give up.

If anything’s worth doing it’s worth doing well – so follow my top three steps to creating a new habit and you’ll change your life in no time at all.

ONE: Take Baby Steps

When I set goals with my weight loss clients, I start by asking them what they are willing to do in order to change their current situation.

Let’s take physical exercise, for example. If the client has never followed a consistent exercise regime before, I encourage them to use a gentle approach.

My client Rachel was 15 kilos overweight and feeling distraught as a result. In her early twenties she had been an avid exerciser, often going to the gym 5 or 6 times per week. Along came marriage and kids and it all went out the window, along with her healthy eating plan and pretty much everything that involved taking care of herself.

I said to her: ‘How many times are you willing to go to the gym?’ She replied: ‘Well, I should be going at least 4 times a week’. I said: ‘I don’t care how many times you think you ‘should’ be going, how many days can you reasonably do?’

Rachel was ‘shoulding’ herself and in the process, setting the bar too high. With two kids under 5, there was no way she was going to get to the gym four times a week. So we agreed on a more modest goal that she knew she would be able to stick to.

It’s great to have big dreams; but if they’re so big that you don’t have a hope of fulfilling them, you’ll give up too soon. Start with a modest goal and build up to the bigger one; this way you’re far more likely to create a habit that stands the test of time.

Listen to this short Podcast to learn more:

(Intro music by Longzijun)

TWO: Get Clear On Why You Want to Do This

There’s wanting to do something; and then there’s liking the idea of doing something. The difference between these two concepts is vastly significant.

For example; I like the idea of the beach. I like the smell, the sound of the waves and the beautiful view of the ocean from high up on a balcony.

Yet I don’t like the actual beach itself. It’s sticky and blowy and salty and altogether too much trouble in my opinion. Accordingly, I don't spend much time at the beach.

So let’s say you want to stop smoking. Ask yourself the following questions:

• Why do I want to do this?
• What is the benefit from doing this?
• What is the cost of continuing to smoke?

At the end of the day you’ve got to really want it, because breaking a bad a habit can be hard and requires perseverance; therefore the potential gain must be greater than the comfort of staying where you are; otherwise you won’t commit.

Get clear on why you want to create or break your habit, and then commit to getting it done; no matter what.

THREE: Stop Beating Yourself Up

The thing about setting goals is that along the way, there’s no guarantee you won’t fall over. If you think beating yourself up when you experience a setback is going to help things, think again.

Often we think that if we’re not hard on ourselves we won’t achieve anything in life, but this is untrue. You can still be compassionate with yourself while at the same time, taking full responsibility for your life.

A healthy combination of self-compassion and wisdom is the best way to achieve lasting results. So instead of beating yourself up for your mistakes, dust yourself off and keep going.

If you really want to do something, you can. Your subconscious mind is your greatest ally for change, so use it to your advantage whenever you can.

Self-hypnosis is just about the best (and cheapest) tool available to help you make your habits stick for the rest of your life.